Asexuality holds a unique and troubled place in the ABDL world, a place where one would think the matter of non-fetishistic sexuality would be irrelevant. Indeed, it is precisely the absence which characterizes asexuality that renders it so relevant. Yet as hinted at before, this relevance does not necessarily leave it in an accessible light. Far from being the case, the matter meshes uncomfortably with other topics in the field, and questions assumptions that ultimately extend beyond the niche itself.
In society, it is generally assumed that sexuality and romance will be relevant. The extent of this is difficult to stress without the use of an analogy. Friendships, BDSM relationships, and fetishistic pairings are not legally or institutionally recognized. Yet marriage is. The significance of this fact extends beyond the common claim that the act held more pragmatic and economic use in earlier eras. For the young asexual, this quandary can in some ways be even more world-shaking than the realization that one is attracted to neither sex itself. Marriage and the idea of romance have a sacredness accorded to them by society, one that implicitly extends beyond "mere" fetishism. The struggle for gay marriage was predicated on this very assumption. This brings across one of the most important points for this essay.
For the aromantic asexual, the sacredness of sexuality and romantic love does not exist.
There is nothing that renders sexuality as something more than a fetish. It is simply another predilection, one that is definitionally separated, but non-different in moral nature. While in some ways this can be viewed as more egalitarian, one can easily see how this can arouse deep fear and mistrust from others, and it is my belief that part of the antipathy towards aromantic asexuality stems from this fact. From a historical perspective, defenses of homosexuality often attempted to claim gay attraction as something distinct from a fetish or paraphilia. In this sense, such advocates wanted to extend the protection of the hallowed status to a new area, rather than question its legitimacy entirely.
In some ways, this differing cultural valuation is actually of use to the aromantic asexual who is into ABDL matters. While the majority of the population will be able to express their orientation to at least some minimal extent, this asexual will not have an open outlet for their affiliation, and can thus reflect more on the structure of the world. In a real sense there is nothing wrong with the situation itself per se; the nature of the desire is unattainable enough and there is no way to really satisfy it in public life. Yet the error would be in viewing this as evidence of the real sacredness of sexuality and romance, rather than as a constraining factor of phenomenal existence. On the ultimate level, both coupling and ABDL are equally "vices" in that they distract from liberation, as much as anything else in the world. Due to the constructed sacredness that has been built around romance and sexuality, however, one can mistakenly come to believe in the value of coupling as something more meaningful to society. ABDLs by nature will find it very difficult to suffer from such delusions in regards to their own predilection.
One of the defining features of growing up is sexual development. Even if one intellectually disregards this as an exaggeration, there is a cultural weight to it that cannot be denied. Most people will display an attraction towards the sexes as they age. Culturally, this is a defining hallmark of adolescence, and even leaks into youth, as seen in childhood crushes or the unspoken assumption that one's children will carry on the lineage. The relative lack of sexuality in childhood is a hallmark of the age, and the topic has thus been largely embedded into conceptions of maturity. Even the traditional ascetic derives his virtue from the fact that he has experienced his desires and rejected them, rather than never experiencing them to begin with, as any asexual will wearily tell you. The traditional defense of asexuals against accusations of immaturity is complicated in the situation of ABDLs, if rendered no less legitimate. For the aromantic asexual ABDL continues to reside in that zone that typified their early life, not out of striving but simply out of nature. In a real sense, they actually expose the lie of childhood romantic innocence, for their disinterest was innate and never matured out of, while the majority of their peers felt the stirrings of attraction even in childhood. In some ways, the aromantic asexual ABDL possesses the orientation most suited to playing a child, as they will not have the cognitive dissonance of the classic aspect of adulthood clashing in the background of every moment. Yet this is also a further force of isolation. As mentioned previously, their asexuality is an innate trait, and not a sign of actual childishness, even if if it is liable to be viewed as such by outsiders. Even in the ABDL world, romantic and sexual attraction will be the norm. Many - if not most - serious relationships based upon a shared interest in babyhood will also double as romantic and sexual ones. Friends in the area might not be too difficult to find, but the kind of abiding, trustful friendship with a fellow Little that one can aspire to is often hard to find, especially once ABDL activities are brought into the mix. This is to say nothing of the almost mythical idea of the platonic caretaker, a sort of phantasm or staple of fantasy whose scarceness is more keenly felt because they are only relatively and not absolutely alienated from possibility. Indeed, it is quite possible for the aromantic asexual ABDL to dismiss the matter of caretakers entirely, whether for concerns of boundaries, a simple lack of interest in them, a preference for friends, or a host of other reasons.
The status of the aromantic asexual ABDL can be regarded as something approximating a faint screen over the worldly life, a disconnection from the model of how the world is supposed to be. It is not a Sword of Damocles hanging above, or really any sort of grave state of discontent. Depending on the outlook of the individual, it is often not even very relevant, or rendered meaningless by philosophical realizations. At the same time, it is undeniably present, an existent in the universe that scarcely any will see. It is to be in a society that was not meant for you, to watch others indulge and not oneself. It is to have access to the resources that would theoretically provide pleasure but in actuality do not, all because of a single, maddeningly elusive factor that one cannot even identify. It is to see others find their niche of living able to be enacted in the public sphere while one contents oneself with interior fantasy, as the couple moves on none the wiser. It is a life of surrogate activities and putting offs, all revolving around a nameless thing that likely could not be quenched in the first place. And throughout all of this time, one never really questions if there could be anything else.
Of course, no-thing of it all ever mattered in the first place. So, though this road may be aimless, we quest and travail, towards that true path wherein the real end resides. May we yet mount that royal apex, beyond all the thoughts of men, to find something more than the Stone of the Philosophers, True Wisdom, and Perfect Happiness.
In the name of The Supreme Attainment,
Condiscipulus Gemmo